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The Great Tigger Detective
The Great Tigger Detective is a spoof of The Great Mouse Detective (1986). Cast: *Hiram Flaversham - Bernard (from: The Rescuers (1977) and The Rescuers Down Under (1990)) *Olivia Flaversham - Miss Bianca (from: The Rescuers (1977) and The Rescuers Down Under (1990)) *Fidget - Pack Rats (from: The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1988-1991)) (sharing their role) *Dr. Dawson - Winnie the Pooh (from: Winnie the Pooh (since 1964), The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1988-1991), Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997), The Tigger Movie (2000), Piglet's Big Movie (2003), Springtime with Roo (2004), Pooh's Heffalump Movie (2005) and Winnie the Pooh (2011)) *Basil of Baker Street - Tigger (from: Winnie the Pooh (since 1964), The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1988-1991), Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997), The Tigger Movie (2000), Piglet's Big Movie (2003), Springtime with Roo (2004), Pooh's Heffalump Movie (2005) and Winnie the Pooh (2011)) *Professor Ratigan - Backson (from: Winnie the Pooh (2011)) *Mrs. Judson - Sour Kangaroo (from: Horton Hears a Who! (1970) and Horton Hears a Who! (2008)) *Toby - Wilbur (from: The Rescuers Down Under (1990)) Quotes: :Winnie the Pooh/Dr. Dawson: voiceover It was the eve of our good Queen's diamond jubilee, and the year her majesty's government came.... to the very brink of disaster. She- chuckling I'm getting ahead of myself! My name is Dr. David Q. Dawson, most recently of the Queen's 66th regiment. I had just arrived in London after lengthy service in Afghanistan, and was anxious to find a quiet place- preferably dry- where I could rest and find a little peace. Little did I know, that my life was about to change forever. :Pooh/Dawson: Excuse me, is this the residence of Basil of Baker Street? :Sour Kangaroo/Mrs. Judson: sigh I'm afraid it is. :Pooh/Dawson: Now, wait just a moment. How the deuce did you know I was a doctor? :Tigger/Basil of Baker Street: A surgeon, to be exact. Just returned from military duty in Afghanistan. Am I right? :Pooh/Dawson: Why, ha-ha, yes. Major David Q. Dawson. But how could you possibly--? :Tigger/Basil: Quite simple, really. You've sewn your torn cuff together with a Lambert stich, which, of course, only a surgeon uses. And the thread is a unique form of cat-gut, easily distinguished by its peculiar pungency, found only in the Afghan provinces. :Pooh/Dawson: Amazing! :Tigger/Basil: Actually, it's elementary, my dear Dawson. :Pooh/Dawson: Bianca/Olivia The scoundrel's quite gone. :Tigger/Basil: Ah, but not for long, Miss Flamhammer! :Miss Bianca/Olivia Flaversham: Flaversham! :Tigger/Basil: Whatever. :Tigger/Basil: Now, hurry along, Dawson! We must be off to Toby's. :Pooh/Dawson: Toby's? :Tigger/Basil: Oh, you must meet him, he's just the chap for this. :Pooh/Dawson: You- You want me to come? :Tigger/Basil: Hah! I should think a stout-hearted army mouse like you would surely leap at the chance for adventure! :Pooh/Dawson: chuckles Well, I am rather curious. :Bianca/Olivia: Wait for me! I'm coming, too! hat and scarf knocks over Tigger/Basil's violin in the process. He dives down to catch it :Tigger/Basil: What?! Certainly not! the violin back on the chair This is no business for children. :Bianca/Olivia: Are we going to take a cab? :Tigger/Basil: his hand on his forehead with a sigh as Bianca/Olivia puts several crumpets into her pocket My dear, I don't think you understand. It will be quite dangerous. on his violin, snapping it in two Why you-! Look what- himself Young lady, you're most definitely not accompanying us! AND THAT IS FINALǃ :as they sneak out into Sherlock Holmes' house, with Bianca/Olivia right beside them :Tigger/Basil: And not a word out of you. Is that clear? :is programming the robot; Backson/Ratigan arrives from the shadows :The Backson/Professor Ratigan: evilly Quite an ingenious scheme, eh, Flaversham? And aren't you proud to be a part of it? :Bernard/Hiram Flaversham: This whole thing, i-i-i-it's monstrous! :Backson/Ratigan: We will have our little device ready by tomorrow evening, won't we? up his bell You know what happens if you... fail. :Bernard/Hiram: angrily I don't care! :[Bernard/Hiram pulls the levers of the robot, causing it go haywire until it falls apart and spatters a drop of oil onto Ratigan's jacket, which he wipes off with handkerchief. :Bernard/Hiram: You can do what you want with me! I won't be a part of this-this, this evil any longer. :Pause :Backson/Ratigan: Oh, very well. If that is your decision. the wind-up doll Hiram Flaversham made for Olivia Oh, by the way, I'm taking the liberty of having your daughter brought here. winds up the doll to let it dance :Bernard/Hiram: Olivia? :Backson/Ratigan: Yes. lets go of the wind-up doll to let it dance Yes. I would spend many a sleepless night if anything unfortunate were to befall her. :Bernard/Hiram: what Ratigan is saying Y-you wouldn't! :picks up the wind-up doll and squeezes it so hard, its head pops off. :Backson/Ratigan: a tense silence, then screams bloody murder FINISH IT, FLAVERSHAM! :Henchmen: singing Oh, Ratigan! Oh, Ratigan! You're tops, and that's that! To Ratigan! To Ratigan! :Bartholomew: singing To Ratigan, the world's greatest ox! hiccups :spits out a mouthful of wine in shock, gasping. The henchmen turn around, gasping in terror. :Backson/Ratigan: WHAT WAS to Bartholomew THAT?! What did you call me?! :Henchman #1: Oh, he didn't mean it, professor! :Bill the Lizard: It was just a slip of the tongue! :Backson/Ratigan: Bartholomew I AM NOT OX!!! :Henchman #2: 'Course you're not. You're a cow! :Henchman #1: Yeah, that's right. A cow! :Bill the Lizard: Yeah, a big cow! :Backson/Ratigan: SILENCE!! :throws Bartholomew out of the hideout. :Backson/Ratigan: Oh, my dear Bartholomew. I'm afraid you've gone and upset me. a small bell out of his pocket You know what happens when someone upsets me... :henchmen watch from the door, frightened as Backson/Ratigan rings the bell. They then look up and gasp in terror. Felicia, Backson/Ratigan's pet cat, hears the ringing of the bell and slowly walks up to Bartholomew :Bartholomew: singing Oh, Ratigan. Oh, Ratigan. You're the tops, and that's that. hiccups Whoops, dear. To Ratigan. To Ratigan. To Ratigan, the world's greatest- :henchmen tremble and gasp in fear as they see Bartholomew being eaten, while Backson/Ratigan nonchalantly smokes and watches. A gulp is heard. The henchmen quietly mourn their lost friend with two removing their hats and placing them over their hearts and one shedding a tear :Backson/Ratigan: Felicia Oh, Felicia, my precious, my bebe. Fatherly Did Daddy's little honey-bun enjoy her tasty treat? :burps. Backson/Ratigan's smile slowly collapses into a look of slight dismay. He soon regains his smile and turns back to his henchmen :Backson/Ratigan: I trust that there will be no further interruptions. :Tigger/Basil: Wilbur/Toby has picked up Pack Rats/Fidget's scent Miss Flamchester! :Bianca/Olivia and Pooh/Dawson: Flaversham! :Tigger/Basil: Whatever. up Wilbur/Toby's leash Your father is as good as found. :Backson/Ratigan: Ah, the uniforms! Oh, Fidget, I knew I could rely on you. Now, you didn't forget anything? :Pack Rats/Fidget: No problem. I took care of everything. Everything on the list. to display the list, but finds it's not there Uh oh. :Backson/Ratigan: What's wrong? :Pack Rats/Fidget: himself, to no avail The list, but we knew we had it! :Backson/Ratigan: Where's the list? :Pack Rats/Fidget: Well, you see, it was.... It was like this; reenacting were in the toy store, getting the uniforms, when I heard a 'Aroo! Aroo!' :Backson/Ratigan: irritated You're not coming through. :Pack Rats/Fidget: still A dog came. We ran we had bonnets, girl in the bag, and Basil chased me! :Backson/Ratigan: shocked What? BASIL ON THE CASE?! furious WHY, YOU GIBBERING LITTLE--! as he holds his anger in and looks as if he's about to explode, then calms down and picks Fidget up Oh, my dear Fidget. You have been hanging upside down too long. :Pack Rats/Fidget: You mean, you're not mad? I'm glad you're taking it so well. :takes the Pack Rats/Fidget behind a wall. A bell is heard ringing and screaming soon follows. Cut to Felicia holding struggling Pack Rats/Fidget in her paw, about to eat them :Pack Rats/Fidget: Not us, you idiot! No, stop, you stupid furball! break free, but Felicia catches them and stuffs them into her mouth Open up! Oh! Ay! Ah! Ooh! You're hurting my wing! :Backson/Ratigan: How dare that idiot Basil pokes his stupid nose into my wonderful scheme and foul up everything! :Pack Rats/Fidget: Felicia's mouth Let us out! Let us out! Help! :Backson/Ratigan: Oh, I can just see that insufferable grin on his smug face. something Yes. Yes, I can just see it. Felicia, release him. :Pack Rats/Fidget: Felicia's mouth We're too young to die! :sulks for a moment, then spits out battered Pack Rats/Fidget :Backson/Ratigan: Fidget up by his cheeks Fidget, you delightful little maniac. You've presented me with a singular opportunity. the Pack Rats/Fidget, feigning a look of concern Poor Basil. Oh, he's in for a little surprise. :Tigger/Basil: enraged Ratigan, so help me.... bloody murder ....I'LL SEE YOU BEHIND BARS YET! :Backson/Ratigan: enraged You fool! Isn't it clear to you? The superior mind has triumphed! I've won! the Pack Rats/Fidget, and the rest of their posse start laughing at Tigger/Basil. Tigger/Basil steels himself against the jeering and pointing, but after a few moments, he slumps, defeated and broken-hearted, and hangs his head as the cruel laughter continues and BacksonRatigan points at him Ooh, I love it, I love it, I love it! :Tigger/Basil and Pooh/Dawson are trapped by Backson/Ratigan, about to be mousetrapped, shot by a gun and arrow, chopped in half, and then crushed by an anvil, and Backson/Ratigan has just left for Buckingham Palace :Pooh/Dawson: Basil? :Tigger/Basil: groans :Pooh/Dawson: Basil?! :Tigger/Basil: Oh, how could I have been so blind? :Pooh/Dawson: Well, we all make mistakes, but we can't let that stop us. We have to. :Tigger/Basil: Ratigan's proved he's more clever than I. He never would have walked into such an obvious trap. :Pooh/Dawson: Oh, pull yourself together. You can stop that villain. :record begins to skip over Backson/Ratigan's continued 'So Long'. :Pooh/Dawson: Basil, the record! :Tigger/Basil: It's finally happened! I've been outwitted! :Pooh/Dawson: Basil, please! :Tigger/Basil: Beaten! Duped! Made a fool of! So ridiculed and belittled! :Pooh/Dawson: loses his temper THAT'S ENOUGHǃ record resumes playing, startling Pooh/Dawson. Dash it all, Basil. The Queen's in danger. Olivia's counting on us. We're about to be horribly splattered, and all you can do is lie there feeling sorry for yourself. I know you can save us, but if you've given up, then why don't we just set it off now and be done with it?! :Tigger/Basil: chuckle Set it off now. pause, as his eyes go wide, and he realizes something Set it.... off.... now? regains his old confidence Yes, ha-ha-ha, yes, we'll set the trap off NOW! :Pooh/Dawson: Basil, wait. I didn't mean we'd-- :marble starts falling as the record's done. :Tigger/Basil: Angle of the trajectory, multiplied by the square root of an isosceles triangle.... mutters ....dividing Guttermeg's principle of opposing forces in motion, to mutters and adjusting for the difference in equilibrium.... this while the marble has been rolling closer and closer to their demise Dawson, at the exact moment I tell you, we must release the triggering mechanism. Get ready Dawson, steady.... NOW! :screams and the trigger is released, but the bar traps the marble precisely, stopping the bar. A spring pops off, hits the gun which misfires into the crossbow. The bow is offset, hitting the axehead off and causing it to chop the mousetrap in half, freeing the two. Finally, the anvil crashes down, burying the axe, shaking the ground, and causing Bianca/Olivia's bottle to shake and pop her out. Tigger/Basil then whips off his disguise, and puts his detective outfit back on. :Basil: much better Thank you, Dawson. Bianca/Olivia Smile everyone! :pictures are taken :Buckingham Palace, the Mouse queen is preparing for her speech. Outside, the two guards at the door are knocked out by Backson/Ratigan's henchmen, dressed as the guards :Henchman 1: the other henchmen moves the box to the door Psst! Over here. Come on. Over here. :knock on the door :The Mouse Queen: Come in. :Henchman 2: Uh, begging your Majesty's pardon? A present has just arrived in honor of your jubilee. :The Mouse Queen: A present? Oh, how wonderful! Oh, I just adore jubilees. :Pack Rats/Fidget: the queen a note Here you are, sweetheart. :The Mouse Queen: Have you been with us long? (reads the note sent with the present) "To our beloved Queen, this gift we send as her 60 year reign..." (she becomes confused at the last words) "...comes to an end"? :Rats/Fidget and the henchmen open the box to reveal an exact duplicate of the Queen. :The Mouse Queen: How interesting. :Robot Queen activates and chases the real Queen around the room. :The Mouse Queen: Good gracious! :Robot Queen stops. We see Backson/Ratigan at the door with Bernard/Hiram at the controls :Backson/Ratigan: Amazing likeness, isn't it, Your Majesty? :The Mouse Queen: Professor Ratigan! Backson/Ratigan's henchmen Guards! Seize this despicable creature! :Pack Rats/Fidget and the henchmen do nothing except grin. Backson/Ratigan takes control of the Robot Queen :Backson/Ratigan: the Queen Guards, seize this despicable creature. :cackles into the receiver while the Pack Rats/Fidget and the henchmen seize the Queen :The Mouse Queen: How dare you! :Backson/Ratigan: Take her away. his bell, dooming the Queen to be a meal for Felicia :The Mouse Queen: Let go of me, you fiends! :Pack Rats.Fidget: Move along, honey! :The Mouse Queen: You ruffians! sobbing Traitors! :reads an extremely long list of laws he intends to pass as the Queen's Royal Consort :Backson/Ratigan: Item 96: chuckles A heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and spongers, such as the elderly, the infirm, and especially little children. :Crippled Old Mouse: This is ridiculous! You're insane! :Backson/Ratigan: Perhaps I haven't made myself clear. :grabs the crippled old mouse's crutch, jumps up on stage and snaps it in 2. :Backson/Ratigan: I'' have the power! :'Robot Queen': Of course you do. :'Backson/Ratigan': ''I am supreme! :Robot Queen: Only you. :Backson/Ratigan: THIS IS MY KINGDOM! maniacally, then calms down That is, of course, with your Highness's permission. :Robot Queen doesn't respond. Backson/Ratigan slaps it gently to get it going again :Robot Queen: Most assuredly.... you insidious fiend! :Backson/Ratigan: shocked What? :Robot Queen: You're not my royal consort! :Backson/Ratigan: the crowd What a sense of humor. :Robot Queen: You're a cheap fraud and impostor! :Backson/Ratigan: aside Flaversham! :to backstage, where we see Tigger/Basil at the controls of the robot, Bianca/Olivia and Bernard/her father reunited and Fidget and the rest of Backson/Ratigan's minions tied up by Pooh/Dawson and the real Queen :Tigger/Basil: the Robot Queen A corrupt, vicious, demented, lowlife scoundrel! There's no evil scheme you wouldn't concoct. :Robot Queen's head springs up and bites Backson/Ratigan on the nose. Backson/Ratigan tries in vain to keep the robot down :Robot Queen: No depravity you wouldn't commit. :Robot Queen rapidly starts flailing and falling apart until little remains but a pile of scrap metal and a pair of eyes and a set of teeth on a spring. :Tigger/Basil: the Robot Queen You, Professor.... :Robot Queen: Ratigan starts to grow infuriated, seeing through the insults ....are none other than a foul stenchus rodentus, commonly known as a--! :Backson/Ratigan: DON'T SAY IT! :Tigger/Basil: himself SEWER OX!!! :Backson/Ratigan: in anger upon hearing Tigger/Basil :Tigger/Basil: Arrest that fiend! :sees that Tigger/Basil is behind him :Bianca/Olivia: Backson/Ratigan Just wait! Basil's smarter than you! He's going to put you in jail. on his tail to accent her next few insults. He's not afraid of a big, old, ugly, ox like youǃ :Backson/Ratigan: much stronger, easily takes his tail back. Would you kindly sit down and SHUT UP?! :Pack Rats/Fidget: We have to lighten the load! pointedly at Bianca/Olivia :Backson/Ratigan: Mockingly Ohh. You want to lighten the load. Excellent idea! :grabs the Pack Rats/Fidget and tosses them overboard :Pack Rats/Fidget: he pitifully flutters in the air No! Not us! Wait, we can't fly! We can't fly! towards the river :Backson/Ratigan: knocking Tigger/Basil off the clock hand, seemingly to his death I'VE WON!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!! :Tigger/Basil: On the contrary! The game's not over yet! :Bianca/Olivia: Tigger/Basil Goodbye, Basil. I'll never forget you. :smiles at Bianca/Olivia and leans down and puts his hands on her shoulders :Tigger/Basil: Nor I you, Miss--Miss Flangerhanger. stares for a moment, then shakes her head, a smile on her face :Pooh/Dawson: chuckles Whatever. :Pooh/Dawson: lines in voiceover From that time on, Basil and I were a close team, and over the years we had many cases together. But I shall always look back on that first with the most fondness: My introduction to Basil of Baker Street: The Great Tigger Detective. Voice Cast: *Barrie Ingham - Tigger as Basil of Baker Street/Bartholomew *Val Bettin - Winnie the Pooh as Dr. David Q. Dawson/Thug Guard *Vincent Price - Backson as Professor Ratigan *Candy Candido - Pack Rats as Fidget the Bat *Alan Young - Bernard as Hiram Flaversham *Susanne Pollatschek - Miss Bianca as Olivia Flaversham *Diana Chesney - Sour Kangaroo as Mrs. Judson Category:The Great Mouse Detective Category:Spoofs Category:The Great Mouse Detective Spoofs